Birthdays are weird, aren’t they? They’re supposed to be a celebration, but they also bring a mix of emotions—joy, nostalgia, and sometimes, grief. Every year, I find myself sitting with it all—the happiness of another year, the memories of what once was, and the uncertainty of what’s ahead. But this year feels heavier. It’s my first birthday without my dad. No early morning phone call, no off-key singing, no terrible dad jokes. Just quiet. His absence isn’t just felt—it lingers in all the small moments that used to be ours.
And then there’s everything else—the world outside my personal grief that feels heavier by the day. In times like these, I return to self-care—not as a luxury, but as a way to keep moving forward.
Grieving Life’s Milestones: How to Navigate Loss During Big Moments
Losing my dad last year changed the way I experience time. Milestones like birthdays don’t feel the same when someone you love is gone. What used to be a simple celebration now holds both love and loss. I feel the ache of missing him, but also the warmth of what remains—the love that doesn’t disappear when someone dies.
Grief isn’t linear. It shows up when it wants to, reshaping the meaning of our days. I remind myself that it’s okay to hold both sorrow and joy, to let them sit side by side.
Feeling Overwhelmed? How to Cope When the World Feels Heavy
Beyond personal loss, everything feels heavy right now. Attacks on LGBTQ+ rights—especially against the trans community—are relentless and feel like a personal attack on me and my family. Policies restricting healthcare, banning affirming care, and erasing trans history aren’t just political decisions. They’re direct threats to people’s lives.
Recently, the National Park Service removed references to transgender individuals from the Stonewall National Monument’s website. A place meant to honor LGBTQ+ history is now being rewritten to exclude key voices. The message is clear: some people’s existence is up for debate. And as a therapist, I see the toll this takes on mental health. Clients tell me about their fear, exhaustion, and uncertainty about what comes next. In a world like this, simply existing as queer or trans can feel like resistance.
Radical Self-Care: How Taking Care of Yourself is a Form of Resistance
When everything feels overwhelming, self-care isn’t just important—it’s survival. Audre Lorde once wrote:
"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare."
Her words were specific to Black women’s survival in a society that often erased them, but they resonate across so many movements, including LGBTQ+ rights and mental health advocacy.
For those of us navigating grief, oppression, or exhaustion, self-care is a way to push back. It’s a refusal to let systems of harm dictate our worth.
Self-Care in Uncertain Times: What It Means & How to Practice It
Self-care isn’t just bubble baths and deep breaths. Sometimes, it looks more like:
Setting Boundaries: Turning off the news when it gets too heavy. Stepping away from harmful conversations.
Cultivating Joy: Not as an escape, but as a way to make space for laughter, love, and things that bring us joy. For me, that’s rewatching old comfort shows, listening to old songs from road trips with day or spending time with people who make me feel safe.
Building Community: Leaning on chosen family, fostering connections, and strengthening our communities.
Honoring Our Emotions: Letting ourselves feel everything—grief, anger, exhaustion, hope—without guilt or apology.
How to Move Forward with Intention: Steps for Healing and Growth
As I sit with another birthday, I remind myself that moving forward doesn’t always mean doing. Sometimes, it means resting, healing, and reconnecting with what truly matters.
If you’re carrying grief, political exhaustion, or the weight of injustice, I want you to know this: you are not alone. This year, I’m choosing to make space for both joy and sorrow, for celebration and struggle. And I invite you to do the same.
But you don’t have to do it alone. If you’re feeling the weight of it all, I want you to know—you don’t have to carry it by yourself. Let’s talk.
References
Lorde, A. (2017). A burst of light: and other essays. Dover Publications.
National Park Service. (2025, February 13). Transgender references removed from Stonewall National Monument website. U.S. Department of the Interior. Retrieved from https://nypost.com/2025/02/13/us-news/transgender-references-removed-from-stonewall-national-monument-website/
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